A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity.[1] This may involve similarity, love, a romantic, comfort, intimacy, sexuality, sexual activity, spirituality, compatibility, and trust.[2] The idea of soulmates is found in Judaism and Hinduism, but was popularized in the 19th-century Theosophy religion and in modern New Age philosophy.[3]
In current usage, soulmate usually refers to a romantic or platonic partner, with the implication of an exclusive lifelong bond.[4] It commonly holds the connotation of being the strongest bond with another person[5] that one can achieve. People who believe in soulmates commonly accept that one will feel 'complete' once they have found their soulmate, as it is partially in the perceived definition that two souls are meant to unite.[6] The term soulmate first appeared in the English language in a letter by Samuel Taylor Coleridge in 1822.[7]
The term soulmate may have initially been borrowed from the 16th century poem Yedid Nefesh. This poem became popular due to its customary weekly recital by traditional Jews during their final Shabbos/Shabbat meal, seudah shlishit, as a means of comfort during the day's waning moments. The poem opens as a declaration of love and connection to one's Creator, stating: "Yedid Nefesh, Av HaRachaman – My Soulmate, Father of Compassion." This poem was first published in Venice in 1588 in a book titled Sefer Charedim. Its composition is commonly attributed to that book's publisher, Rabbi Elazar ben Moshe Azikri (1533–1600). However – largely because this poem was missing from the original galleys containing Rabbi Azikri's own poems – others posit that it was composed by another of his contemporaries, Rabbi Israel ben Moses Najara and famed kabbalist Rabbi Moses ben Jacob Cordovero being the most commonly offered. Still others assert that this poem – and thereby this term – is far older, dating to the 11th century Rabbi Judah Halevi.
The Hebrew word Yedid, meaning close mate or dear friend, is first found in Deuteronomy, chapter 33, verse 12. The Hebrew word Nefesh, meaning soul, is first found in Genesis, chapter 2, verse 7. While this poem is known by its opening refrain, Yedid Nefesh/Soulmate, in the 18th century prayer book of Rabbi Jacob Emden, he records its official title as: "Song of Awakening of the Soul-Toward the Love of Blessed Hashem (the Name)" (translation from his original Hebrew).
In Judaism, bashert/beshert, which means destined or intended. This term can refer to any incident that is destined and particularly used for one's soulmate. According to the Talmud it is said that 40 days before a male child is formed, a voice from heaven announces whose daughter he is going to marry – literally a match made in heaven![8] Jewish mysticism speaks of husband and wife as half souls. It is also said that God takes the soul whose time has come for it to enter into this world, and separates it into two-halves, placing one half in the male and one half in the female. And when these two-halves meet again in matrimony, their original connection and love bond comes back.[9] Baal Shem Tov once said, "From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven, and when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, the streams of light flow together and a single brighter light goes forth from that united being."[10]
In Jewish folklore, it is said that Adam had a wife called Lilith who was created from the dust of the ground just as he was. But she remained with him only a short time, because she insisted upon enjoying full equality with her husband. She derived her rights from their identical origin.[11]
The woman destined to become the true companion of man, Eve was taken from Adam's body, for only when like is joined unto like the union is indissoluble. The creation of woman from man was possible because Adam originally had two faces, which were separated at the birth of Eve.[12]
It is widely believed that before mankind multiplied, each baby boy was born with his soul-mate as his twin sister. Cain and Abel had their soulmates born with them. Rachel and Leah were known to be soul-mates of Jacob and Esau respectively.
One of the less-known stories is about King Solomon who knew that one of his daughters was destined to marry a poor man. He didn't want that to happen and had her kept locked with servants in a palace with a tower in a forest. The story goes that her soulmate found himself carried to the tower by a bird of prey and they both fell in love. The story ended well as King Solomon realized that the young man was a scholar even though he wasn't rich.
It is said that humans were androgynous. In the Symposium, Plato has Aristophanes present the idea that humans originally had four arms, four legs and one head made of two faces; Zeus split these creatures in half, leaving each torn creature to search for its missing counterpart.[13] The severed humans were a miserable lot, Aristophanes says."Each one longed for its other half, and so they would throw their arms about each other, weaving themselves together, wanting to grow together. Love is born into every human being; it calls back the halves of our original nature together; it tries to make one out of two and heal the wound of human nature. Each of us, then, is a ‘matching half’ of a human whole…and each of us is always seeking the half that matches him. When a person meets the half that is his very own," Aristophanes exclaims, "something wonderful happens: the two are struck from their senses by love, by a sense of belonging to one another, and by desire, and they don’t want to be separated from one another, not even for a moment. These are people who finish out their lives together and still cannot say what it is they want from one another.”[14]
Hinduism tells a story about the origin of love which is similar to Judaism. It begins with a powerful being named Purusha, who lacked desires, fears, or any inclination to act because the universe was already perfect. Then, Brahma, the creator, used his divine sword to divide Purusha into two. As humans, we too are seeking unity, and love is the word we use for that search.[15]
In yogic teachings, there's a belief in finding your "other half" or "twin flame". According to this view, humans have seven energy centers, with the lowest one being the sex center and the highest being the samadhi, a state of deep meditation. According to Osho, When the seven centers of a man are in tune and harmony with all the seven centers of a woman, then you have found the soulmate. When this alignment happens, there's a sense of complete unity and oneness. It's not just a coming together; it's a merging of two souls. They function as if they were one entity, almost like the idea that two bodies share one soul.[16] Whenever it happens, absolute oneness is felt: unity, not union…Two persons utterly disappear into each other; There is not even a small, thin screen dividing them. There is no division at all. It is unio mystica.
Rama and Sita are seen as the perfect example of soul mates in Hindu mythology. The Ramayana, a key text in Hinduism, emphasizes the transformative power of love between couples. Its main theme revolves around the separation and eventual reunion of Rama and Sita. Rama's motivation to confront the evil Demon King Ravana and protect his kingdom doesn't stem from duty or divine commands. Instead, the driving force behind the story's actions is solely their deep love for each other.[17]
According to the esoteric religious movement Theosophy, whose claims were modified by Edgar Cayce, God created androgynous souls—equally male and female. Later theories postulate that the souls split into separate genders, perhaps because they incurred karma while playing around on the Earth, or "separation from God." Over a number of reincarnations, each half seeks the other. When all karmic debt is purged, the two will fuse back together and return to the ultimate.[18] [19]
According to Mark L. Prophet and Elizabeth Clare Prophet, a soulmate is a separate entity with whom one has spent many lifetimes as a friend, lover, co-worker, or partner, and to whom one is usually drawn to fulfill a specific mission.[20] They describe a soulmate as one of many potential spiritual brothers or sisters: "even though there may be a great attraction and bond between soulmates, fundamentally, in the ultimate sense, you could define it more as a brother/sister relationship, even though soulmates have great marriages and a great union of hearts." According to Mark Prophet: "A soulmate relationship has to do with the seat of the soul Chandra, that Chandra just above the base ... The connection is one of parallel and mutual evolution rather than origin."[21]
Judaism tells us that all those images of souls destined for the world stand before God in couples.[22] Later, when they arrive in this world, the blessed Holy One matches these couples who are half-souls or twin flames. It is also believed that one needs to lead a good life to merit marrying their soul mate. Some common practices (segulah) of people looking for their soulmates
It is believed that prayer from the heart helps find the bashert.[23] Eliezer when looking for a bride for Isaac prayed that God would help him find the appointed one for Isaac. Leah whose bashert was Esau, upon discovering that he was a wicked man, prayed and got her destiny changed and married Jacob instead. Praying at the tombs of renowned spiritual leaders on a regular basis is also a common prayer practice. Reading the Old Testament book of Song of Songs and certain Psalms 31, 32, 70, 72 and 124 for 40 days is also an ancient practice.[24] [25]
Though Judaism believes in beshert (destined one), destiny is influenced by free choice. If one does not work on their character traits[26] or leads a wicked life, they forfeit their beshert to someone more deserving. It is a common practice to work on one's middot.[27]
It is said that Joseph merited to marry his bashert because he was careful not to let his eyes and imagination wander. His life of purity merited him marrying the one appointed for him. It is a practice among Orthodox Jews to not look at inappropriate things that would lead to lascivious thoughts or actions.[28]
It is encouraged to perform tzedakah to find one's soulmate. Tzedakah can be giving money to the poor or can take other forms like offering your time and services to the less fortunate or people who need them. See Tzedakah
Some psychologists state that believing that a soulmate exists specifically for a person is an unrealistic expectation.[29] [30]
Even though, Judaism and Hinduism have sources about the existence of soulmates, there are leaders who think otherwise.