| Series: | Bottom |
| Series No: | 2 |
| Episode: | 4 |
| Director: | Ed Bye |
| Producer: | Ed Bye |
| Guests: |
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| Prev: | Burglary |
| Next: | Holy |
"Parade" is the fourth episode of the second series of British television sitcom Bottom. It was first broadcast on 22 October 1992.[1]
It is the first of three episodes in the series to feature no scenes set inside Richie and Eddie's flat.
Having got £8 each for taking part in an identity parade, Richie and Eddie are determined to make the most of their run of luck and put as much money as they can get together on a tip from Tight-Mouthed Larry. At 100/1 "Sad Ken" is going to make them richer than the stink from a pair of Eddie's Y-fronts.[2]
To receive a free payment of £8 each, Richie and Eddie volunteer to take part in an identity parade, where it is revealed that the accused criminals are Eddie's friends Dave Hedgehog and Spudgun. A woman, quickly identified as Spudgun's mother, is led into the police station and accuses Spudgun himself of being the person who stole her handbag. Infuriated by her wasting of police time, Chief Inspector Grobbelaar instructs another officer to take Spudgun's mother round the back and "give her a good drubbing."
Later, at the local pub, Richie and Eddie take advantage of the inexperience of the new barmaid by claiming to be health inspectors in order to attain free food and drinks, a con also being pulled by Dave Hedgehog, Spudgun, and Spudgun's mother. During his inept attempts to flirt with the barmaid, Richie mentions his supposed involvement in the Falklands War, piquing the interest of another pub patron, who reveals that he also participated in the conflict, showing Richie and Eddie his service medal and his wooden leg as proof. As the veteran queries Richie about what regiment he was in and which battles he participated in, it quickly becomes apparent that Richie never took part in the conflict at all, with his obvious attempts to lie about his involvement enraging the veteran to such a degree that he repeatedly and violently punches Richie in the face.
The fight is broken up by local bookmaker Tight-Mouthed Larry, who drunkenly informs the other pub patrons that a racehorse named Sad Ken is said to come first at an upcoming race in Chepstow despite his 100-1 odds. Armed with this information, Richie and Eddie concoct a plan; they will steal the wooden leg of the veteran (who by now has passed out due to his own drunkenness), sell the leg at the local pawn shop, bet the received money on Sad Ken, use a portion of the winnings to redeem the leg, and put the leg back on the veteran before he has the chance to notice what happened.
While Richie keeps the veteran distracted by giving him more free drinks and asking him to give extended anecdotes about him time during the war, Eddie steals the leg and takes it down to local pawnbroker Harry the Bastard, who, despite correctly valuing the leg as being worth at least £2,500, is only willing to offer Eddie a meagre £1.50 for it, further decreasing this offer to £1 and then 50p when Eddie attempts to haggle. After Eddie blackmails Harry with a compromising photograph of him, a Chippendales dancer, and an industrial size drum of Swarfega, Harry offers £500 for the leg, which Eddie takes down to the betting shop and bets entirely on Sad Ken. Eddie and the other pub patrons use a nearby television screen to watch the race, in which Sad Ken, a blind, three-legged racehorse, performs extremely poorly, becoming trapped within the stalls during the race's opening moments, moving very slowly in the wrong direction of the track, and collapsing after striking a tree, with the race eventually ending with both Sad Ken and his jockey being euthanised.
Eddie returns to the pub, where the regular barman and Tight-Mouthed Larry mockingly inform he and Richie that Larry's tip about Sad Ken was a ruse concocted by the pair to scam the pub patrons out of their money, out of which they have earned £6,000 apiece. As the drunken veteran comes around, Richie and Eddie flee into the pub toilets, where, in a panicked effort to quickly make back the £500 necessary to reclaim the leg, they elect to mug the next person to enter the toilets. Unfortunately for them, the next person to enter the toilets is Chief Inspector Grobbelaar, whom they fail to recognise until after they have punched him repeatedly and beaten him over the head with a condom dispenser and a toilet seat.
Richie and Eddie are subsequently placed into another identity parade with Dave Hedgehog, Spudgun, and Spudgun's mother, the latter of whom is knocked unconscious by the Chief Inspector after she makes a derisive comment about his choice in career. Despite their efforts to conceal their identities, Richie and Eddie are easily identified by the Chief Inspector, who invites his fellow officers to give the pair "a damn good kicking." Several officers threateningly advance on Richie and Eddie, with the episode ending on a freeze-frame as they are beaten over the head with truncheons.
| Cast | Characters | |
|---|---|---|
| Rik Mayall | Richie | |
| Adrian Edmondson | Eddie | |
| Robert Ashe | Ralph Maxwell | |
| Rory Bremner | Mr Brough | |
| Lee Cornes | Dick Head | |
| Brian Croucher | Ted Nugent | |
| Andy de la Tour | Chief Inspector Grobbelaar | |
| Roy Heather | Mr Man | |
| Chris Langham | Tight-Mouthed Larry | |
| Robert Llewellyn | Mr N. Stiles | |
| Robert McKewley | P.C. Cholmondley-Smythe | |
| Steven O'Donnell | Spudgun | |
| Patsy Rowlands | Lil Potato | |
| Christopher Ryan | Hedgehog | |
| Julia Sawalha | Veronica Head |